11.18.99

I will never forget being woken up at 6 a.m. by the incessant ringing of our apartment phone.   My roommates and I were Juniors in college and we all worked at a local sandwich deli.   We were notorious for not making it in on time to work - our boss would schedule us for an hour earlier than he expected us to show up.   He knew good and well that three newly twenty-one year olds could not meet a 9 a.m. requirement so he would just start calling our house to wake us up about 30 minutes before we really needed to be there.   So, November 18th was no different - in my mind.   Our boss was calling to wake us up and we would ignore the first few calls.   Except this time, the phone never stopped ringing.   And this time it was a lot earlier than usual.   After about an hour, I finally snapped to and realized I needed to answer the phone.   It was my dad and hearing my voice brought tears to his eyes.   He went on to inform me that the Bonfire had collapsed and he knew I wouldn't be there but just had to make sure.   As I was talking to him, the phone beeped in - it was K's dad.   I woke her up and let her hear the same news - she too was interrupted by the phone ringing.  A's dad had been trying all morning long to make sure his daughter was safe as well.   The three of us got up from our hungover state and sat in the living room with the TV on and our jaws dropped - bawling.    I will never forget that day and the days to follow.  I will never forget how proud I was of the school I didn't realize I loved so much.

You see, I was what most people would call a two percenter.   I thought a lot of Texas A&M's traditions were silly and I was way too cool for them.   I would go to an occasional football game but the one thing I never missed was Bonfire.   It was the one Tradition that I loved.   Going out to that field with thousands and thousands of other people before the big Texas game, where every one was bundled together singing the Aggie War Hymn and doing yells - it was awesome.   In the three months before, you would drive by the entrance to campus and see the progression of the ginormous stack.  To say it was impressive does not even close to explain it.    The time and effort people put in to build that thing was beyond me but I was so glad they did it.   So in 1999, when it collapsed just days before it was to be lit, the school was shocked to see it fall.   I remember thinking at first - well it was 3 a.m. so surely there were only a few people out there and clearly they would not be hurt.  Wrong, oh so wrong.    My roommates and I had to go to work where the entire deli staff just stood in front of the TV the whole day.   One by one, the death toll increased and the news got harder and harder to hear but we were glued.  

K and I wanted to do something - help in some way so we went out to the sight.   There were people everywhere - you could not park within a mile of the campus.   The volunteers were incredible and we watched as student after student helped remove the wood from the fallen stack.   It was so amazing to see an entire compass come together like that.  

Just a few days later, when the Bonfire was supposed to burn - there was a candlelight vigil at the sight and I would venture to say over a hundred thousand people gathered to pay tribute to the 12 students that were killed.   We all walked in silence into Kyle Field where they were going to continue the tradition of having the yell practice.   After filling the stadium, the lights went on and there was not a dry eye in the place.   The next day was the big game and we were definitely not favored to win.   But, that football team played there heart out and upset our biggest rival.   Texas fans were amazingly gracious and their bands tribute at halftime was nothing less than spectacular.   I was so proud of my school and I don't remember ever feeling that before.

To this day, I think I love A&M more because of 11-18-99.   It's hard to explain what it was like to be there during that time, but I am so glad I was.   Yes, I still find some traditions silly and I totally understand why people say some of the things they do about Aggies.  But you can't say that the bond A&M has is not incredible.   I can't believe it was 12 years ago...

What Not to Say...

My post last week about what not to say to kid-less people has sparked many a conversation and has some what created this post.   

What Not to Say to Single People

1. "Oh you are so cute, why don't you have a boyfriend?" - Uh, well because I guess my personality sucks?   This comment is most common when talking to my mom's friends.   While they mean it with the best of intentions, I never know how to answer this. 

2.  "You are so picky." - Well, excuse me for not wanting to settle for someone that I am not interested in.   Every single person has different "Must-Have's" in what they are looking for in a partner - mine might be considered picky to you but I guarantee you there is something that you consider a turn off that I would find comical.  

3.  "You should totally like So-And-So." - While I am sure he is meant for someone, I can not make myself like someone.   9 times out of 10 you wouldn't like the person you are trying to persuade me to fall for either. 

4.  "You are so lucky you are single - marriage is hard."  -  I bet and Lord knows I have no interest in partaking in something that might be challenging.  

5.  "You should try online dating - my sister's friends cousins cat totally met the One on eHarms."  -  Every single time I hear this, I want to look at the person and say - have you tried it?   Would you ideally have liked to have met your husband via the Internet?   Don't suggest it until you try it. 

6.  "Go out on the dance floor and catch that bouquet - you're single."  - I am well aware that I am single and I am also well aware that the DJ is screaming for All the Single Ladies to get on the dance floor.   Clearly, I don't want to so leave me alone.  

7.   "There are plenty of fish in the sea."  -  No shit.   No part of me thinks the pond has dried up - I have not once complained that there are no single men left.   Yes, I think the fish on eHarmony are from a different school but I am well aware that there are plenty of great single men.     

8.   "Are you gay?" -  Yep.   I haven't dated a guy for a few years so I decided to change to gay.   My best friend and I are together often (as we always have been) but since we haven't met the right men, we just decided to date each other.  Shhhhhh, don't tell. 

9.  "Maybe you are not looking in the right places." -  Yeah, no shit Sherlock.  Hopefully, you are going to tell me next that I should go to the Singles class at church. 

10.   "If you stop looking, you will totally find him."  - Does that mean I have to leave my binoculars at home?  

11.  "You need to put yourself out there more."  - I need to put out?   I thought the Rules told me to wait until at least the second date.  

And last but certainly not least...

12.  "It will happen when you least expect it." - If you have read this blog at all, you should have known this one was coming.  What you mean to say is that you will be surprised by some part of the scenario when you meet the right person.   When I least expect it is when it is least likely to happen - like when I am sleeping, or when I am at my parents house for dinner, or when I am in the public bathroom at work.  

Let me be clear about something, these conversations are typically with a random acquaintance that has chosen to feel sorry for me because I am not married.   What I really want to say is thank you for your very unsolicited advice but no part of me is worried that I won't meet the right person.  I can honestly say that I have never been happier so please, please don't decide that me being single means otherwise.  

No kids...

For the first time in a long time, I have about 24 things I want to write about but this takes the cake.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/10-things-not-to-say-to-your-childfree-friends-2595394/

A sent me this article this morning and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.   In summary, the article talks about phrases heard from parents to people who don't have kids.   Some of them coincide with things I commonly have heard from married people as the single friend.   Let me be the first to say that I by no means think any ones intent is to be malicious or intentionally insensitive but it in a way, I think everyone could stand to learn a little from this article (myself included).   My thoughts on some of the points:

1. "When will you finally have kids?" - This is similar to asking a girl when she is getting engaged but on a much more sensitive level.   Who knows?   Granted - no one has ever asked me this for obvious reasons but I have heard it asked a million times.   I have asked it and will be careful not to do so again (well, except maybe my very closest friends).  

3.  "I only invited other parents." - While I get it, this statement is making a decision for me - you are telling me that I would not want to do something because kids are involved which most of the time is not true.   It has happened to me as a single person too - not being included because I don't have a significant other - and yes it stings a little.  On the contrary, I have had a friend throw this one back at me - well, you don't invite me because I have kids.   True - sometimes.   Mostly, spur of the moment outings are when I would tend to leave friends with kids out - I assume it is hard for you to get away at a moments notice.  

4. "Are you hungover?" - I love this one because I hear it all the time.  Granted the answer is probably yes some of the time but being made to feel like a college kid because I go out often is annoying.   Absolutely, I go out more often than most anyone with kids.   Why?  Well, I am not going to meet a great guy while I am sitting on my couch - as a single person - you have to get out there a little more whether it be to a bar or to any type of social function.   Yes, there are absolutely nights where all I want to do is stay home but if I gave into that every night - I would remain single the rest of my life.   On average, I "go out" two or three times a week.   Does that mean I go get rip roaring drunk and make an ass out of myself three nights a week?  No (usually just once a week).  

5. "You are so lucky you get to sleep in/shop/travel." - True - I can't complain about my travel schedule but you can look at it this way - your kids will be 18 long before mine and you can travel then.   I will probably still be changing diapers. 

9.  "I'm sorry it's taken forever for me to call/email/text you back."  -  This is always hits home to me - somehow because you have a child it is okay to ignore your friends?   Look - I am busy too.   Being made to feel like my time is not as important as yours make me feel like shit.  

10. "You wouldn't understand." - Years ago, a friend hurt my feelings so bad when she said this to me.   I don't understand because I am not a mom.   Well, be careful who you say that to - it's not like there is not a part of me that wants to understand.   I haven't met the right guy and therefore have never been presented the opportunity to have kids.   So no, I don't understand everything but assuming that I don't want to understand is just rude.  

On a total separate note, anyone want to go out tonight?  

Crash Test Idiot

This past Friday, I was minding my own business, driving from one office to another just day dreaming about my lack of weekend plans.  Out of no where, the car in front of me slammed on its brakes.   Thankfully, I wasn't texting, reading, checking email, plucking my eyebrows, playing solitaire, stalking Facebook, or doing any other very safe activity whilst driving so my reaction time was quick.   Not so much for the child driving behind me though.   From the sound, I thought my car was going to be really bad although how bad could it really be at 15 MPH or less.   I pulled over to the parking lot next to us and was thankful she followed.  Immediately, she started apologizing profusely and we both went to check the damage on my car.   Not bad but not nothing.   I point out the two scratches that have removed paint and the bent license plate.   At this point, I had not yet noticed the other dent.    Nervously, she gets excited and says well it is not bad so you don't any of my information, right?   Huh?   Well, seriously that is so minor that you wouldn't really get that fixed, would you?   Huh?   Clearly your car has a dent on every square half-foot so you probably won't understand this - but yes, I am going to get it fixed.   She truly did not understand why I would want to restore my (leased) vehicle to its original shape.  When I was persistent about it, she told me that she has a friend who could just paint over it for me.   He is just around the corner and we could run over there now then she proceeds to do her best at straightening out my license plate.  Huh?   How much will it cost to take it to where you want to take it?  Child - I have no idea - I am not an expert in car mechanics as I don't make a routine out of hitting people. 

While I was trying to be as gracious as I could be, I got very close to losing it.   I looked at her and said - I have a job which I am currently not at because we are having this asinine conversation.   No, I do not have the time to run to your friends shop and, furthermore, you hit me.   I can see that this is a regular occurrence for you but it's not for me - now give me your insurance info and let's be on our way.   Blank stare.   Uhh, I don't have insurance.  Awesome.  How in world do you not have insurance?   To which she answers, well my dad does.   Congratulations, does your mom have it too?  

Thankfully, I am not a pro at this situation but on the other hand - I didn't really know what to do.  So, I got her contact information and her drivers license number and got back in my car.   I immediately call my dad and secretly wish that daddy can take care of it all for me.   After some consulting, I call my insurance agent to see what he thinks.   Basically, I am shit out of luck.   No way I am going to be able to get money from them but you better believe I am going to try.   Best case scenario - file a police report where she will get ticketed for not having insurance.   In other words, help the next guy she bumper cars (which is a whole lot better than nothing in my mind).

Skip to Tuesday morning, I go get an estimate at a place that is certified to repair my leased vehicle.  $450.    This chick is going to shit.  I call her and before I could say five words she asked me to call her dad.   Really?   Fine.   It is more than obvious that her dad has rehearsed what he is going to say to me and it went something like this:

Me:  Yes, I am calling in regards to the accident that your daughter caused last Friday at 2 p.m.   Just want to clarify because I doubt I was the only one that day. 
Her Daddy:  Yes, she told me it was not bad at all and that is just needs a little paint.
Me: Well, there is also a dent on the bumper.
Her Daddy:  I have a friend that has a shop - he will fix it for cheap - just take it to him.  If I am paying for it, I get to tell you where to go.
Me:  Sir, it doesn't really work that way.  Because I have a leased vehicle I will be charged if anything is not returned to it's original condition - therefore, I need to take it to a certified body shop for my vehicle.  
Her Daddy:  I can't afford to pay for one of those expensive places.
In my mind: You should be able to since you aren't paying for insurance.
Me: I haven't even told you how much it costs.
Her Daddy:  Yeah, but I know it will be expensive and besides you don't have a police report.
Me:  Huh?
Her Daddy:  You don't have a police report stating that it even happened. 
Me:   Actually, I have a completed police report right in front of me.   I thought I would give you the chance to handle this before I turned it in.   Forewarning, the police will then have all rights to give your daughter a ticket for not having insurance.
Her Daddy:  Uh, uh, uh.  It's not like my daughter is a bad driver.  You stopped fast.
Me:  At no point did I say or imply that your daughter is a bad driver.   And yes, I stopped fast as did the car in front of me but I didn't hit that car.   Your daughter hit me.
Her Daddy:  Well, can't you just tell them it was me that was driving. 
Me:  Sir, that is called Insurance Fraud and no, I will not do that.
Her Daddy:  I don't have any money - I will have to call my agent and call you back. 
Me:  You want my number? 
Her Daddy:  No, I got it.
Me: What about my name?
Her Daddy:  Whatever.
Me:  Well, talk to you tomorrow.  

Shockingly, he didn't call me back.   So, I left a message for him politely explaining that I was on my way over to the police station to file a report.  

Honestly, it's the principal of the whole thing.  I don't have an extra $400 just sitting in my bank account in case an idiot 18 year-old without insurance hits me.   The person being hit is the innocent victim - I did nothing wrong and I am the one out the time and probably money having to deal with the whole ordeal.   In the grand scheme of things, it is not a big deal but I just don't get what is wrong with people.   Why does it feel sometimes like there are so few decent human beings left? 

Sicky boo-boo

Being in a Human Resources role for the past 8 years has left me with some pretty awesome stories, some shocking and then some down-right ridiculous.   Today, I want to explore the art of calling in sick.  Needless to say, I have heard it all and automatically believe that you are lying until you prove me otherwise.   For instance, if you leave me a message at my office anytime between 5 p.m. and 8 a.m. the next morning - you are chicken shit.   You are too scared I will call you out on really being sick so you wanted to leave a message.   Next time, walk out of the bar before calling.   Or, the ever so popular text/email in your status.   Nope.   I quickly out-lawed this method because I actually like to hear the voices people come up with to coincide with their illness.  

Examples:

- The traditional cold or flu voice (TCFV) - yes your voice will have a nasal tone to it and you should sound weak.  The exaggeration that comes with this is impressive.

- A headache does not in fact make your voice sound any different nor does a migraine.  While I understand maybe a whisper - TCFV is not necessary.  

- When I throw up, I cry.   Waa Waa - I know but I can't help it.  It does not in fact make me have the TCFV.   Ever.   Although I have rarely thrown up sober, I am quite positive that the stomach bug does not impact your vocal chords.  

- Emailing in because you threw your back out - puzzling.  Your voice does not work since your back hurts - got it.   Emailing on the 5th consecutive day to say you decided you might should go see a chiropractor because you are still in pain - genius.   Who in their right mind would not think of that the first day?   Hope you enjoyed your vacation. 

- An ex-husband calling to say that our employee was so sick she could not talk.   Really?   She went from absolutely healthy at 5 p.m. to mute in less than 24 hours.   Doubt it.  Hope she makes bail soon.

- The Friday afternoon bug that comes out of nowhere - THE WORST TCFV possible.   Oh yeah, don't forget we are friends on Facebook and it looks like your weekend get-a-way was a blast despite your flu symptoms.  

Like many other stories, this list could go on and on and on.   But this morning I experienced my new favorite of all time.   My employee apparently has empathy TCFV.   Her dad being in the hospital makes her talk like she is dying from the flu.   The best part - she was not even calling in sick.  She is at work.   She is just talking in a constant TCFV because her dad has pneumonia.    I couldn't handle it anymore so I called her out a second ago:

Me:  Oh no, don't tell me you are getting sick.
Her:  (Full on TCFV) Not at all -why do you ask.
Me: That there - your voice.  You sound sick.
Her:  No my mind is just going in every direction.
Me:  Oh, well glad you are not sick because your voice sure sounds like it. 
Her:  (In perfectly normal voice) I am probably just tired. 
Me:  Got it.   How's your dad? 
Her: (Back to TCFV)  No updates but really bad. 
Me: I am so sorry - do you need to go home?
Her: No - I just want to stay here and get my mind off of it. 
Me:  THEN PLEASE STOP TALKING LIKE THAT.

Okay, I didn't say the last thing.   In my defense, I promise I am empathetic to her dad being sick.  Believe me I know it sucks to have a parent in the hospital - my vocals have just never been effected.  I guess everyone is different.

I am left handed...

Two of my best friends learned that I was left-handed in the last week.   Weird.  If you think about it, other than signing my bar tab when would they really have seen me write.  Yes, I eat with my left hand but do people really notice that kind of stuff?   I don't.  With that being said, I thought you might want some other facts...

I sneeze at least 4 times every time I sneeze.   I used to be like clockwork where it was 4 and 4 alone without fail.   Nowadays, I can turn heads everywhere from the sheer amount of times I can sneeze in a row.  In fact, when I sat down on the airplane to Vegas, the guy sitting next to me apologized in advance for the amount of sneezing I could expect.   He wanted me to know that he was not sick just sneezed a lot.  I TOTALLY out-sneezed him.

Food displays of any sort gross me out.   Showing me an example of the food special guarantees that I WILL NOT order that item.  Pictures of food are the same way and honestly I don't understand why people take pictures of their food and post it to Facebook.   On a menu, GROSS - I automatically assume its a cheap place and that actually goes for food commercials as well.  

I can flick you off with my toes.   Never have I ever met someone who can match this talent.

I can think of three times in the history of my life that my nails grew longer than my nail beds - now being one of them.   Anxiety = biting nails. 

Recockulous - you see what I did there - replaced dic with cock.   I credit myself for coining this term although many would beg to differ.   You can thank me later.  

I was 7 inches taller than my 8th grade dance date.   I also grew 7 inches in one year.  

I took French in high school.  Real freaking necessary in Houston.   At least on my Europe trip, I could read a menu.   Well, at least I thought I could until my chicken came out highlighter yellow and still mooing.

I have been to 22 countries and in 22 weddings.  

What else?  Oh yeah, I can't shave my knees but you probably already knew that.

The job hunt...

Since I consider myself somewhat of an expert on this, I thought I would share some advice on searching for a job.  First, let's start with resume writing:

1. Hit spell check.  It is SO simple.  If you spell your title incorrectly, I am done.   No excuse.
2. While I am no expert on grammar, some people are so find someone to make sure it is grammatically correct.  

I know, no shit right?   Share some real advice...

3. Whoever told you to make your resume look impressive by adding as many words as possible was stupid.   Brevity is key.   The second I click on a resume that looks like a novel, I delete it.  

4. STOP making up fancy titles for positions.   Seriously, Chief Administration Officer is stupid.  You are an Executive Admin and the boss told you to call yourself what you want so you are now the CAO.  Two things will happen - your resume won't come up on a regular search (Career Builder, Monster, etc.) and hiring managers will automatically assume they can't afford you.   Sandwich Artist = stupid.   A lady sent me a resume one time that had Professional Animal Explorer - WTF?  Dog Walker - you walk dogs.   There is nothing wrong with that until you made me feel like Dog Walker was not enough so you had to glorify your position.   Which brings me to my very least favorite - Domestic Engineer.  Ladies, while I might offend you here - you are a stay-at-home mom.   While I think it is the hardest job in the book and I don't think I could do it, there is no need to make up a fancy title for it.   Gaps in employment on a resume can be bad so I see why people find it necessary to put the time they stayed home with their kids but I HATE Domestic Engineer.  Why?  Because I can't tell you how many times I am looking for an Engineer of some sort and this resume comes up in the search.  

5.  Don't put hobbies, interests, etc. on a professional resume.  That was for your high school resume so that the girls in Rush would know if you were cool or not.

Now for the applying to positions...

1.  Just because you want to work for the company does not mean you should apply for any position they have available.  It is just plain annoying.   If you see a job that you are not one bit qualified for, don't apply.  Seriously, a cashier applying for an Accounting Executive position just because you counted out change for people makes no sense. 

2.  If you do qualify for the position and you are really interested, apply more than once.  

Interviewing...

1.   Do not bring your kids to an interview.  Obvious, right?   Nope.  It happens all the time!

2.  DO NOT ASK FOR DIRECTIONS.  Seriously people it is 2011 - have you heard of the Internet?   Look it up. 

3.  I don't care how personable the interviewer is, don't get too comfortable.   I had a girl the other day that spread her legs up to my desk, put both elbows under her chin, and starting asking me about my life.  No thanks.  

4.  This too is going to sound obvious but it happens with every level of person - answering your cell phone while in an interview is ridiculous.  Turn it off.   I realize that we are all very important people but you will be okay if you disconnect for 30-45 minutes of your life. 

I have way, way, way more but don't have time because I need to go interview a Sales Executive lady that is wearing a track suit.  Awesome. 

Another year...

Well, another year of my life has gone by and I can honestly say that 31 was the best so far.   I would be interested to know if I have said that every year but I doubt it.    I had more fun last year than I can remember having including fantastic trips, fun nights out, great friendships and as always a pretty incredible family.   I think the maturity of friendships when you are in your 30's makes life more fun.  The drama is gone and friendships just seem easier.  Does that make sense?   I heard an interesting fact on the radio the other morning - the average girl considers them self old at 28 while the average male thinks he is old at 50.   I don't think I am old but I can definitely tell a difference in how my body handles things differently.   Hangovers hurt more than they use to (great song).  Sure, I feel old when I hear that you had to be born in 1990 to be 21 or when I get asked if we are having a 15 year high school reunion but for the most part - I don't feel old.  I certainly don't act old (did anyone see me on Saturday night?) and some might say (or have said) that I need to act a little more my age.   In my opinion, those people need to stop aging themselves and have a little more fun in their life.  I remember being told in my mid-twenties that your thirties are the best years and thought there was no way it could get better.  I was wrong.   Anyway, thanks for making 31 awesome and here's to 32.  So far, I have gone home sick, had the heaviest . of my life, and have asked a cat to be friends on Facebook.   Okay, okay - so maybe my 3 days of 32 are not quite that exciting yet (DB - you are the funniest cat in the world) but stay tuned because there are lots of things to come.   I have 4 potential set-ups which are great odds for at least one of them happening!  We will see...

Love you all!   

Before 10 a.m.

The other day a light came on in my car that said Service Engine Soon.  Soon???  All I can think is this must be serious - good thing it is under warranty and good thing my brother's friend that works there is hot.   So, I call the dealership and schedule a service and she gets me in the next day.   This really must be serious - it usually takes a week to schedule an appointment.  Anyway, I put on a tidge more make-up than normal and head the 30 miles out of my way first thing in the morning.  While I am sitting in the waiting room, the HOT friend walks by and sees me sitting there and inquires what I am doing back so soon (was just there for routine maintenance).   I tell him the problem and he immediately puts me on the VIP list and goes to tell them to hurry me along.   Within 5 minutes he comes back to say that my car should be out in no time and then proceeds to tell me the problem.   Apparently, if you don't screw on the gas cap tight enough, the check engine SOON light comes on.  MORON.   As if I don't already feel like a bumbling idiot in front of this guy, now I just want to bury my head in my hands and slither out of there.  Thankfully, he was gracious about it and did not make me feel ridiculous but still.   Here is my one defense on this - if this is such a common problem, why wouldn't the service appointment lady say, "Hey, check your gas cap before trying half away across town."   I am sure they all got a nice chuckle when I left.

So, I am still feeling quite stupid an hour later when I get to my office.  As I am walking into the building, a lady and co-worker see me with my hands full so they hold the elevator for me.   I was pretty far away at that point so of course I feel like I have to boot-scoot to get there because of their nice gesture.   When I walk in, the very large woman and her co-worker press floor 4 and then ask me what floor.  2.  She looks at her co-worker and "under her breath" says, "And you call me lazy."  WTF?   I have 8 things in my hands along with my 4-inch heels and you are going to call me lazy for not taking the stairs.  I call me smart.  I also guarantee you that you would NEVER take the long flight of stairs on your 82 smoke breaks a day if you worked on my floor.   Again in my defense, I take the stairs every time I can which means every time my hands are free so my clumsy-ass can hold on to the rail.   Should I tell her how many times I have sprained/torn/broken my ankle?   So much for her nice gesture. 

Rashy

While I was on the phone with a girl in our other office, I pulled up my pant leg to scratch an itch.   To my surprise, my legs were COVERED in red bumps.  Similar to what I discovered on my arms the day before but much, much worse.   My arms breaking out in hives is normal when I have had 8 mimosas at a Saturday brunch but whilst sober - rare to never.   So, I had minor panic attack while the girl I was talking to tried to diagnose me to freak me out even more.  I hung up on her and immediately called my dermatologist - she is on vacation for two weeks.   Awesome.  After calling 5 places, I found someone (that came highly recommended) who would see me the same day (yesterday) and my nerves were calmed some.   About 8 seconds after meeting with Doc, she makes me feel like a COMPLETE MORON for being there.   I am sorry - poll 30 people and see who would pick their GP over a dermatologist.   I promise I win.  You see because I had felt feverish the few nights before, I should have known going to a dermatologist for a skin rash was stupid.  No doy.   Apparently, it is not common but sometimes a viral infection can cause a skin rash.  Damn, I am an idiot for not knowing that.  WedMD didn't even tell me that.   When I asked Doc if I should then go to a GP instead, she was like - "Uh no, I wouldn't."   So the moral of the story is that I should have done nothing.  Next time you find yourself covered from head to toe in bumps - do nothing.  I dare you.  

If she would have conveyed her message better she would have said that I was a moron for not going to the GP after feeling feverish for 4-5 nights in a row.  I hate going to the doctor and usually try the trusty wait it out method when I don't feel well (which is not very often at all).   Now, if my GP was as hot as my dentist - I would be there for a hangnail but he is not.   But visible skin problems will get me to a doctor no matter what they look like.   My diagnosis was to do nothing and she could give me no indication on whether or not I could bare skin in my dress this weekend at the wedding of one of my dear friends where every single guy I knew in college will be (holy run on sentence).  Sweet.   So, if any of you could find me a long sleeve, ankle-lengthened dress that does not look like a nun's costume before tomorrow, I would greatly appreciate it. 

What the doctor did do is talk about the laser treatment that I should do on my face to get rid of tiny broken blood vessels?   Really?  You are going to try to sell me some cosmetic dermatology while all I can do is hope that maybe the rash will just grow so it will look like a sun burn.   No thanks.   She prescribed me some acne cream for my back - WTF?   Am I being punked?   And then on the way out - the nurse handed me some samples and said you might want to use it on your face too.  GEEZ.   I have one blemish on my face - one.   And it is tiny.   Uncalled for nursey-nurse.  

Needless to say, I didn't leave feeling at the top of my game.   What I learned is that I am a rashy idiot that not only has acne but also back-ne.   Awesome.  I bet I am the hit of the wedding. 

Spa Day!

I am obsessed with GroupOn and Living Social.  What a smart idea!!   I save so much money on buying stuff that I would never had bought otherwise.   Most popular on my list is different workout facilities (mostly Pilate's) or massage/facial places.   A couple of months ago, E and I bought a massage from a new place in plans on having a little spa day.  This massage came with so many amenities - deep-tissue massage, lavender hot towel treatment, cucumber eye treatment and organic Japanese facial massage.  Nothing sounds better!   While E was on her honeymoon, I decided to go ahead and book the place because appointments were hard to come by and I was ready for a great massage!  

Yesterday was the day.  With a tinge of a hangover, I showed up a few minutes before E only to find the door locked.  I immediately assume I had done another one of my fantastic booking errors and probably missed our appointment.  So, I wait for E to get there and discover that she is a genius!  She knocked on the door and they answered.  We are greeted by this creepy, long-haired man who I am certain hits the bong as a regular occurrence and welcomes us to the smaller than my closet lobby.  Whilst filling out our intake form, we are treated to a foot massage.  In other words, he tells us to scoot out the Homedics foot roller and start our spa bliss.   Right.  She and I are catching up on the night before where I am sharing more details about MSG when another masseuse comes out and tells us to keep it down.   My bad.  Our tiny whisper was apparently distracting to the three other people who were getting massages behind the half walls of the 200 square foot place. 

A few minutes later, E gets called back to her room (if you can call it that) and I wait for creepy, long-haired man to clean my room.  It's finally my turn to strip down and relax.  Creepy, long-haired man comes in and starts my massage.  To say it was sporadic would be an understatement.  The guy was all over the place - he would touch on my neck then dig his elbows in my back until I could hardly breathe then pat my hand and then repeat.  ADD is not a good trait in a masseuse.  At one point, the power goes off and he finds it necessary to reset the clock in his cube immediately.   In the "lobby", I kept hearing the microwave beep.   A few minutes later, the overwhelming aroma of spaghetti a la Lean Cuisine filled the air followed by the continual smell of creepy, long-haired guy's burps.  He clearly had eaten something similar to the masseuse enjoying her lunch break during my relaxing massage.   When most of the smells had finally cleared and I was actually starting to relax, the dude's alarm went off.   The awesome part - he had it set to the highest volume of AM static instead of a calm beeping. 

Now we are really getting to the good stuff - it is time for the lavender hot towel treatment.   So he burns the shit out of my back when he places a towel gently across me.   He presses said scorching towel into my skin only to continue the torture treatment.   Remove and flip for the cucumber eye treatment and the facial.  I am so excited!!  He haphazardly throws the thinnest excuse for a cucumber on my eye and I kept opening my eyes to see if it was still there.  The facial consisted of him splashing some water on my face and rubbing it around.  At this point, all I can hope is that it will just be over soon.   Finally, I got up to leave and can't wait to hear about E's massage.  She was gone.  She could not stay in the hell hole any longer and bolted.   Immediately I call her from the car where she starts dying laughing.   Apparently, her masseuse gently patted her the entire time in her deep-tissue massage.  To say the least, it was awful. 

Living Social should be ashamed of themselves for ever presenting this deal.  There is no way they even walked into the lobby of that place to check it out.  No one in there right mind would ever refer someone to this place much less a whole city.