I love my friends...

We went out for E's birthday last weekend and had a hell of a time.   Two things happened that day - 1. I baked. 2. I put on close-toed shoes for the first time of the season.   So what?   They are related but let me get there.   So, after a long evening of many beverages, we decide a change of scenery is necessary.   At this point, my feet hurt so bad that I contemplated going home so I didn't have to walk any farther.   Instead, I did what any classy broad would do and walked around barefoot.   So, R decides to be the gentleman he can be and carries my baked items while I carry my shoes.   At this point, he is running through a laundry list of the things that can happen to me while walking around barefoot.   [Insert lack of caring here.]  To the escalator we come and I seriously think R is going to full on panic that I am really not going to brave the pain of my shoes for the safety of my feet on said escalator.   So, he escalates (get it?) the things that could happen to me whilst standing on such public disease.   At this point, he is trying to convince me that I am going to get lock jaw.   To which, myself and another dude laugh hysterically.   I look at said dude and said - glad someone else is hearing this.   And then he speaks.   Australian accent - melt my heart.   I make him speak some more.   Swoon.   It is at this point that I decide the Aussie must taste my cake so I shoved a giant piece in his mouth.   R is still holding the cake and is happy to have his mind of my feet.   Anyway, we bid the Aussie adieu and carry on to the next bar.  

As R and I are arguing about my putting my shoes back on to enter the bar, I finally concede.    We order drinks and find the rest of the group.   Two minutes later, the Aussie approaches our table.  WEIRD.   We left the original bar and went very far way and to a totally different type of place.  In other words, it would not have been a natural progression for most anyone but us.    So, to see him there was totally bizarre and as far as I could tell he couldn't have followed us mostly because he was long gone by the time we decided on destination number 2.    Long story short, he sits with us and I talk to him forever.   To say he was intriguing would be a giant understatement.   From what I remember, he was really fun to talk to and I promise it was not just the accent.    Anyway, why I love my friends mostly had to due with the plethora of texts I had the next day:

A - Do you have a shrimp on your barbie? 
E - How did it go with Aussie, Aussie, Aussie?  Oy oy oy. 
J - Did you go down under?
R- Please tell me you didn't bag an Aussie.  

And there were many, many more.   For the record, nothing happened with him mostly because the accent was the only thing I was physically attracted to.    After all, I was POSITIVE he was gay until very long into the evening.   Apparently, I also decided to mention that to him and he was so confused.   I lost all ability to filter at that point and quickly pointed out that he was wearing a vest and a pageboy hat.   No doy?   Yeah, he wasn't, in fact, gay and then told me loved me.   Don't worry - he doesn't - I haven't heard from him since mostly because there was no exchange of digits.  

The whole incident was worth it just for the quality text messages later.   And no, I did not contract lock jaw.   I love my friends - I didn't stop laughing for hours.  

Update

As I was walking out of my office for lunch yesterday, I ran into a "new guy" in my building.  By new, I just haven't seen him before which probably means he has worked next door for years (not too observant here).   In typical me fashion, I thank him for opening the door for me then proceed to ignore him.   As we are almost out of the stair well, he asks me if I am going to pick up lunch for my office.   I awkwardly giggle and say no and I am going to meet some friends for lunch (read: dad).   He then asks me where I am going.   I must have given him a weird look because he instantly corrected himself and said that his whole office is bored with the food around here so he was seeing if I had any suggestions.   Like the blubbering idiot I become when talking to a cute guy, I st-st-st-stutter to give him some suggestions.   Pretty sure my suggestion of a smoothie place was not exactly what he was looking for.   Oops.  

In other news, I am going to my bi-annual dentist appointment tomorrow.   Between waking up early to work out and staying up entirely too late to watch the Olympics, I have not exactly been looking in my prime lately.   So, I might have to skip the 6 a.m. tomorrow and post pone it until after my dentist has cleaned my pearly whites.   There is no better oral hygiene motivation than having a VERY hot, single dentist.   Somehow, it is the one doctor's appointment that I never forget to schedule.  

In yet other news, I am really afraid to admit this but I think I am becoming a Twitter lover.   Not because I ever write anything, but reading the US Swim Teams tweets over the past few weeks has become slightly obsessive.   Don't judge.   #althoughIstilldontgetthehashtagshit

You can also follow just about every Bachelor contestant in which it is clear that none of them have jobs and all of them use Twitter as a launch pad for hitting Pound Town.   I would love to be a fly on the wall in one of their "reunions."   Oh wait, I am one - Bachelor Pad.   I can't believe any one in that house would choose hearing Ed's varmint noises while humping over cute Reid being the worst manipulator known to man.   I love you Reid.   And I almost love you more since you were so bad at this game.   I mean really bad.  

The Pad

Am I the only one who is seriously concerned about the longevity of the best show on television?   I know it can't just be me that noticed the obvious struggle that is the Bachelor Pad this season.   It seems like they spent their entire budget on getting Reid and Ed there but then had nothing left.   Therefore, they scraped the bottom of the barrel for the remaining cast.   Why else would they put "fans" of the show on there?

When I heard Reid was going to be on the Pad, I must have failed to read on.   Yes, he and Chris Lampton are my two favorite bachelors and they have always seemed to be the most normal of the fame whores.   To hear Reid was stooping to this level was a little heart breaking.   Well, until I made up in my mind that surely ABC must have made him a deal he could not refuse.   Ed would be the next biggest name on the show - mostly because he was engaged to Jillian.   So, I assume they had to be paid or else they wouldn't make the time.  

So, the entrance of the rest of the cast was pretty disappointing.   You have the handful of people from the most recent Bachelor and Bachelorette seasons and then a whole lot of nothing.   Here are my thoughts on each person:

Blakely - Put your boobs away.   I am sorry but the attraction to this girl is beyond me.   She realized a lot about herself after Ben's season so she went back to school to be a Professional Waxer.   SOOOO, you went from showing your who-ha to looking at who-ha's.   Major step up.   All signs point to her being cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Chris - The man whore of the season is shocking to me - he is cute but I do not get the infatuation that clearly all the girls have for him.   I guess I am missing something.

Ed - Classy, classy guy.   Within ten minutes of the show starting, he admits to America that he cheated on his fiance.   He proceeds to get rip roaring drunk and stripping before the show really even got started.   Apparently, he is known for being the drunk, ladies man.   What an admirable quality.   At least it makes for some awesome TV watching!  

Erica Rose - Dude get off reality television and get a real job.  WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD THEY BRING HER BACK?    I would take another super fan over having to hear her bitch and moan about how she doesn't get why people make fun of her looks.   Nothing on your body moves including your hair.   Way to represent Houston.    Her immediate hatred for the super fans bugged me mostly because she acts like reality television hopping somehow entitles her to be better than people?   You have to start somewhere, right?

Jaclyn - What is it with the ugly girls on this show talking the most shit about everyone else?   Shut your pie hole and go visit Erica Roses' dad please.    

Jamie - All I remember about her is how awkwardly she kissed Ben - apparently her mission this week was to make sure America knows that she got some lessons since.    Thank you Chris for acting as the dummy for her to model on.

Kalon - You coupled with Erica Rose give Houston a really great name.  

Lyndzi - Other than the spelling of her name, I like her.  Well, I liked her until I saw the previews that she falls for Kalon.   REALLY?  

Michael - Didn't you win the last time?   I find it a little unfair for him to be back.   But, at least he is there to find love.   I have an idea Stag - be like every other normal human being in this world and find love off of TV.  Oh yeah, and get a job. 

Nick -  Why does every personal trainer on this show feel the need to do push ups with someone on their back?   We get it, you are strong.  

Rachel - She is my favorite.

Reid - I love him and I love that he went to bat for one of the only normal girls there.  He also had some of the best one-liners of the night.   "Oh twins, all I want to do is hand them some double mint."  "Reid and Paige would make a great team.   Get it - Reid the Paige. "  Although the drama with Ed is likely going to ruin my crush on him, I like him for now. 

Ryan - Who the hell is he? 

Sarah - Who the hell is she?

Tony - Isn't he the guy that left the Bachelorette because he couldn't be away from his  kid?   Makes perfect sense for you to turn around and go right back on television.  

All the fans - Look, I think the fan thing is stupid.   I think they are stupid for thinking they have a shot in hell at making it anywhere on this show.   I am so sure that the producers are going to let the newbies run away with this competition.   Granted the dude that leaked the plan was ridiculous but at least he had a shred of intelligence on how they had any chance at all.    Telling Erica Rose instantaneously ripped away any points for smarts.   Then the Swat guy voting for Paige was even more stupid if he wanted any of his "peers" to have a chance.   Two down- three to go (three places, four people, stupid twins).   And Donna, you accidentally showed up to the pool in your over sized bra.  

Chris Harrison made the show with some of his one liners.   When he called Ed out for the green shorts, I about died.   Although I think the cast sucks, I still love this show.  

I'm back...maybe

As someone who hated English and writing classes in general, I am shocked at how much I have missed writing.   In a weird way, it's kind of cathartic.  Somehow telling cyberspace about my love life or lack thereof was fun for me.   So, I am contemplating giving it another go although I am still not ready to try the online dating thing again.    AND there is very little to report since the last time I wrote but here is a brief synopsis.

- Liked a guy
- Supposedly he liked me but wasn't ready.  (Going to have to call bullshit.)
- Guy liked me
- Didn't like him
- Ignored a few phone calls
- Met a guy friend for drinks
- Apparently, he didn't think we were just friends
- Ignored a few phone calls
- Ran into first guy
- Ignored a few phone calls
- Nothing
- Nothing
- Nothing
- Out of nowhere, both guys called again.
- Ignored a few phone calls
- Ran into first guy last night.
- Anticipating ignoring a few phone calls.

And that is the exciting love life that I have refrained from sharing over the last 6 months.   As for the rest of my life, things couldn't be better.    Still having too much fun and traveling as much as possible.  

As of Monday though, I am cracking the whip on myself to get back in shape.   I am starting a new work out program that is like the P90X stuff.   What I have decided is that I am going to use this blog to keep myself accountable.   So,  I am going to post every day with a picture of what I am eating and what workout I am doing.   Doesn't that sound exciting?   At the same time, I am going to post a picture of my dashboard so that you know just how hot it was outside when I was doing said workout (inside).   To keep it even more exciting, I will have a someecard of the day so that you all get some witty banter along with it.   I don't know how you could possibly contain yourself with all this excitement coming your way.  

In even other news, Sunday is the big Bachelorette finale and I can hardly contain myself.   According to Chris Harrison this is going to be the most dramatic rose ceremony in Bachelorette history!!   Can you believe it?   AND Star magazine says Emily is totally with Chris Harrison.   All signs point to this being the BEST. THREE. HOURS. OF. MY. LIFE. followed by two bonus hours the next night of Bachelor pad.   This is shaping up to be the BEST. WEEKEND. EVER. 

All kidding aside, I am happy to be back but am not making any promises!  

Dating sucks...

When I first started writing this blog, my only intent was to let my friends laugh with me at what can other wise be known as a pretty sucky situation.   Online dating or really dating in general sucks in so many ways.   When it works out, it's great but it doesn't work out a whole lot more than it does.   Over time, the blog came to be a little more than that.   Well, it was spread to more people.   Because of that, I have been very reluctant to write about a lot of stuff that is on my mind which has totally taken the fun out of it.   Without a doubt, I am much more reserved about what I say and I am way more careful about who I say anything about.   For the first year or so, this was kind of a release for me - a way to laugh off what I find to be a very difficult process.  

Let me explain - I am clearly not good at dating or the beginning stages of dating.   I know with all confidence if I am interested in a person pretty immediately.   I will never understand dating to date and, therefore, will never let something go on that I see no future in.   With that being said, I am sure I have passed over some really amazing guys but for whatever reason they weren't for me.   In addition, it makes for a whole lot of first dates and not a lot of second ones.   For the most part, first dates suck but most of the time they are a funny story.  But let's say for some remarkable reason, the first date goes great and I am really looking forward to number two.   This process also sucks.   The giddy feeling hoping and willing your phone to ring (or beep for a text) is really fun when your phone actually rings.   When it doesn't, it sucks.

If I have said it once, I have said it 100 times - I suck at the games.   If a guy that I am interested in calls or texts, I answer as soon as I am able to.   I don't know how to wait a day to call back or wait several hours to text back and I don't really get the concept.   In fact, the game turns into way more of a turnoff for me than the opposite.   After the initial wait a few days to call thing and then make plans a few days in advance so as to show you have a life, I am done.   I am guessing that my inability to play games has turned off guys in the past and so be it.  Clearly, we weren't meant to be and if I had never dated anyone in the past, I might question my methods but that just isn't the case.

With all that being said, dating (especially in your 30's) can really suck but I choose not to let it get to me.  A few years ago, I chose to laugh about it.  I chose to embrace the humor in online dating.   And, I chose to let my friends laugh with me.   Unfortunately, that has significantly changed and I no longer feel the release in writing this.   I still choose to laugh about dating but just not publicly for just anyone to read.     

Just so you know, there is not one incident that happened that is causing me to write this.   I just no longer feel like it is fun anymore.   I feel like I can talk zero about the guy I am excited about because I am positive it will get back to him.   I feel like some friends have completely stopped communicating with me because they can just read my blog to find out what I am up to.   I also feel like I have offended people accidentally and that was never my intent.    For now, I am done.   Not with dating but with writing about it.