What Not to Say...

My post last week about what not to say to kid-less people has sparked many a conversation and has some what created this post.   

What Not to Say to Single People

1. "Oh you are so cute, why don't you have a boyfriend?" - Uh, well because I guess my personality sucks?   This comment is most common when talking to my mom's friends.   While they mean it with the best of intentions, I never know how to answer this. 

2.  "You are so picky." - Well, excuse me for not wanting to settle for someone that I am not interested in.   Every single person has different "Must-Have's" in what they are looking for in a partner - mine might be considered picky to you but I guarantee you there is something that you consider a turn off that I would find comical.  

3.  "You should totally like So-And-So." - While I am sure he is meant for someone, I can not make myself like someone.   9 times out of 10 you wouldn't like the person you are trying to persuade me to fall for either. 

4.  "You are so lucky you are single - marriage is hard."  -  I bet and Lord knows I have no interest in partaking in something that might be challenging.  

5.  "You should try online dating - my sister's friends cousins cat totally met the One on eHarms."  -  Every single time I hear this, I want to look at the person and say - have you tried it?   Would you ideally have liked to have met your husband via the Internet?   Don't suggest it until you try it. 

6.  "Go out on the dance floor and catch that bouquet - you're single."  - I am well aware that I am single and I am also well aware that the DJ is screaming for All the Single Ladies to get on the dance floor.   Clearly, I don't want to so leave me alone.  

7.   "There are plenty of fish in the sea."  -  No shit.   No part of me thinks the pond has dried up - I have not once complained that there are no single men left.   Yes, I think the fish on eHarmony are from a different school but I am well aware that there are plenty of great single men.     

8.   "Are you gay?" -  Yep.   I haven't dated a guy for a few years so I decided to change to gay.   My best friend and I are together often (as we always have been) but since we haven't met the right men, we just decided to date each other.  Shhhhhh, don't tell. 

9.  "Maybe you are not looking in the right places." -  Yeah, no shit Sherlock.  Hopefully, you are going to tell me next that I should go to the Singles class at church. 

10.   "If you stop looking, you will totally find him."  - Does that mean I have to leave my binoculars at home?  

11.  "You need to put yourself out there more."  - I need to put out?   I thought the Rules told me to wait until at least the second date.  

And last but certainly not least...

12.  "It will happen when you least expect it." - If you have read this blog at all, you should have known this one was coming.  What you mean to say is that you will be surprised by some part of the scenario when you meet the right person.   When I least expect it is when it is least likely to happen - like when I am sleeping, or when I am at my parents house for dinner, or when I am in the public bathroom at work.  

Let me be clear about something, these conversations are typically with a random acquaintance that has chosen to feel sorry for me because I am not married.   What I really want to say is thank you for your very unsolicited advice but no part of me is worried that I won't meet the right person.  I can honestly say that I have never been happier so please, please don't decide that me being single means otherwise.