Big Head

I can honestly say that I think online dating might be the greatest thing in the world for one's ego. In three days, I have had 19 males email me expressing interest. Granted I have only returned two but that's okay, right? Any girl who is feeling sorry for themselves should just join match.com - all the sudden you will feel like the most popular kid in school. Not that I was feeling sorry for myself - I'm just saying - I might be cocky as hell the next time you see me. OH WAIT - it might be a good idea to tell you more about these 19 people...

- Asian guy who is 6'8 (Yao Ming??) - his favorite TV shows are Friends, Seinfeld and Desperate Housewives. Either this guy has been extremely unsuccessful on Match and has been on there for 10+ years or he is not quite the TV enthusiast I am. And is it okay to be bothered by the Desperate Housewives part? Doesn't exactly exude manly but whatever.

- Pro Poker Player - Ummm, not exactly a girls dream for a potential suitor much less a future father of their kid. I can see it now, "Honey, I lost our kids college fund this weekend but don't worry I will get back next week." Perfect.

- Three different guys that describe themselves as witty in their profile name - like WittyBoyfromPearland type. Seems to me that someone who is truly witty wouldn't have to describe himself as such - it would be obvious in your profile.

- One guy likes my "smiles" - uhhh, am I missing something? I have one picture on my profile and only one smile. Maybe he drinks as much as me and was just seeing double - dammit I shouldn't have closed him.

- Lots and lots of old men - well significantly older than me. Like 20+ years older - apparently Match doesn't give a shit about the age requirements I included.

- A newcomer to Houston straight from Iraq - in which he says if you have a problem with that then that's your problem. Thanks Captain Obvious. Bitter - party of one.

- One guy has 16 pictures - the first 15 were date stamped in 2007 then there was ONE from 2012 - I think maybe he became a "foodie" in those five years.

- There is an option to make some one your favorite and one guy did that - then Match told me I had been fave'd. Fave'd!! I mean I have never been fave'd before so I wanted to Fave'd the guy back for fave'ding me. Fave'ding might be the most kind compliment ever. I am going to fave'd everyone from here on out just so I can brighten their day and maybe it will be a day on the calendar to be fave'd.

- First sentence on one jackasses profile - "The number one cause of divorce is...getting married...JK...LOL." REALLY? An LOL in the first line dude? Males should never be allowed to LOL - NEVER. Oh wait - no one should. If you are an LOL'er then please do me a favor. Next time you want to send an LOL, please tell me if you are actually laughing out loud. And who ever said that before the acronym was created? I never told people I was laughing out loud - I would just laugh and it happened to be out loud. Oh yeah, and what a stupid intro line on a dating site.

- I was asked to "Send a line" to a guy - who knew there was drug trafficking on a dating site.

- And for one of the only "good" ones - I responded to his email several days later. His immediate response is that his subscription ends this weekend so he needs my number NOW because he is really interested. Sorry, but that is a little creepo to me - just pay the $20 for another month if you are really that interested. Am I right or just being silly?

This shit is hilarious.